Sunday, July 14, 2013

I don't really know what to say.

I feel like I've been away so long it might not even be worth coming back.

But I miss blogging.

I know, same song, twentieth verse. I keep saying that, and then disappearing for a while.

Today I teared up while holding my little boy so tightly.

I looked at my DH and asked him how we can live in this country and try to raise two African American kids? When do I start teaching them about the horrors of racism? Right now we just talk about the beauty of their skin and hair--because believe me, it is beyond beautiful--but I know, I KNOW, others don't see it that way. And to deny that is just stupid.

I still get looks and weird questions when we're out and about. I try to assume people ask questions out of ignorance and not malice but you know what? Maybe I'll just quit making that assumption. Why do I need to give anyone else the benefit of the doubt?

I shouldn't blog angry. I know that. But here I am.

I am going to try to blog more. I have--as always--a million topics about which I want to write. But then I just never seem to make the time. Some of them involve race. Many of them involve our ongoing conflict of where to live, what to do with our lives. How to balance the love of a career with the love of a family. How to balance everything, all the time. Maybe a few posts about baking (hooray!). And some topics are just me needing to reach out and find out if anyone else has any tips for some of the tribulations of parenting two preschoolers (but yet...I so didn't want to be a Mommy blogger).

My next post will most definitely about having-or not having-- a tribe. Which means it will be mommyish with a sprinkle of infertility pain and a whole lot of other stuff. Wow, what a teaser.

But right now, I'm just going to hold my son (and my daughter too) a little closer and shake my head at the world in which we are living.

12 comments:

  1. Feel the same way about the verdict. Hate all the overt and covert racism showing through various comments to articles/posts/etc. by people bending over backwards to somehow justify a senseless killing. Sad.

    But glad to see you posting.

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  2. thank you for sharing your perspective. my heart aches a bit more today after reading this. but it brings me comfort knowing you are the mom of those 2 sweet babies- they are lucky to have you!

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  3. it's so good to hear from you! And thanks for the continued IF support and advice regarding my mom's condition. Doctors have a way of scaring the crap out of you, you know?! And regardless of where we all are on our IF journeys, it's always good to hear from people who understand :)

    I also think the world we live in has become quite crazy, and there are many things I don't understand :( I just think your kids are lucky that they have parents who will do their best to explain the craziness to them.

    Looking forward to hearing from you more often!

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  4. Great to hear from you, MTL. Processing the verdict from outside the U.S. Which is strange...

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  5. (heaving a giant sad sigh) There is so much to say about race in America. So much. But mostly it makes me sad. In NYC race relations have improved so much since I first came here in the early 80s, but until people decide to deal with it openly and honestly instead of claiming to not be racist, well, then racism is still here, it just went underground.
    hugs.

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  6. I love to see updates from your corner of the world, whatever they are. I'm sure you're hugging your babies close now. :-)

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  7. I'm glad you're back! You should not apologize for having "mommy" related topics or even a "mommy blog". As hard as it is for your non-mom followers to see Mom stuff is also as hard as it is for your new-mom followers to not hear you glowing about how wonderful your kids are. It's your blog, so don't feel like you need to make it perfect for everyone, because that's an impossible feat. Just write whatever the heck you want to write and people will read it or not read it (and hopefully not write anything nasty in the comments!).

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  8. sending love and thoughts. missing you, would love to see you and the munchkins.

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  9. I definitely think that living in a different area may result in a different experience for you. I live in the Washington, D.C. area and seeing multi-racial families (and adoptive families) is just a norm here. In this area, a lot of people delay having kids (not that this is the only reason to adopt or that delaying having kids necessarily results in infertility/adoption) and end up choosing to adopt and some people choose to adopt because of values. In my neighborhood babysitting coop, two of the twenty families (so 10%) have adopted children that are a different race. In our zip code, Caucasians are a minority. It's just a more racially diverse area. I think living in an area that has more of a "tribe" of people like you that have adopted internationally and are racially diverse may help you feel more connected. This being said, I know that moving to a whole different area is difficult and not necessarily an option.
    I am happy to hear you blog about whatever is going on in your mind. Mommy stuff. Running stuff. Adoption stuff. Recipes. Whatever. I continue to read your blog because I like you, I like your perspective, and I care about your life.

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  10. One more unsolicited thought on the mommy blogging stuff--I really hung onto blogs while we were waiting, to see what the reality of post-adoption life was. We were reading the adoption books (like, all of them) and it was good to read real-life accounts of parenting foibles and triumphs, whether or not the related to adoption. Anyway, love your blog and hope to see more!! :-)

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  11. Thank you for your blog post. It is good to hear from you as I enjoy reading your thoughts about everything....parenting, running, baking, adoption, work/life balance, etc. Heather

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